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Coming of Age @ 50: The Car Accident

by amy on 08/05/2011

It’s been awhile since I’ve thought about my car accident.  I still get angry when I do.  In my world there is no such thing as an accident.  We create.  We manifest what happens in our life.

Still, it’s hard to believe that we consciously co-create a car crash to figure out our lives or the aftermath which is long term health problems.  Yet three years ago, a car accident changed my life; and yesterday, another accident, one I witnessed brought closure to a 3 year cycle of transition and change.

The Accident

Yesterday (Wednesday) as I sat idling at the light waiting for the car in front of me to move, I watched a similar accident occur.  This time it was a north-bound minivan speeding through a busy intersection oblivious that the light had turned red five seconds previous.  There was no “orange” about the light.  The van nearly avoided first one car, then broadsided the driver’s side door of a much smaller vehicle, lifting the left side slightly, allowing the driver to roll just enough to avoid being crushed as door bent inward by the force of the much heavier van.  The momentum then propelled the both cars into the median, leaving them in a tangled L-shape heap.

Slightly airborne, speeding motorist, and being helplessly propelled forward!  The impact of metal brought momentary flashbacks to my accident.  Now the accident wasn’t about me.  Yet, it would cause me to reflect on my issues I hadn’t dealt with and relive the accident once again in Dreamtime.

My thoughts in writing about this are with the intent of releasing memories still stored in my body; and perhaps, release some of the chronic pain that still accompanies my day.  Maybe, just maybe, I’ll discover more about myself from what transpired next.

Back to the accident.  Knowing first aid – oddly I was the only one at that moment who did – I was concerned that girls climbed out of their vehicle, both dazed and glassy-eyed.  Using my first aid training, I first had them sit down.  Oh, the similarity to my accident!  No one wants to stay in their totaled car.  Even though it rarely happens, our first thought is will our car explode.  I guess we can thank TV for that.

I gazed first into the eyes of one and then the other, checking first for head injuries, then neck and back.  No breaks, just bruises.  Definitely different from my crash.  I did not walk away.

“Keep calm.  Deep breaths.” I said, bringing down the fear and slowing the panic.  I had changed roles from first responder to mother without knowing.  “Chat” I thought, “Give them something to focus on.”  It worked.  To me, they said what hurt, what their worries were.  Not to the EMTs who were quickly on the scene, too much excitement,  I guess.  I knew the girls’ stories which they told no one else; and perhaps no one else cared.  This was just one more accident which could have been avoided if the other driver hadn’t been in such a hurry or had seen the light more clearly.

Sense of Detachment

While the EMTs, CC Campus Security, and CSPD were all technically great, the EMTs and police responses were scripted.  They were kind, but had a sense of detachment.  As the police officer jokingly said, “Ah, you must be the witnesses!  Thank you for staying.”  We were witnesses nothing more.

That sense of detachment and being treated by a script is something I carried away from my accident.  I was just a case number that day, not a mom who was on her way to work.  I was fungible.  At the hospital I became a case number; and dealing with the insurance company another number as well as a statistic.

It’s no wonder I carry a sense of unenthused pain throughout my neck and shoulders.  Shoulder pain is burden thoughts; neck and back are structure.  I have an image of sticking my neck out and getting pain for my trouble.   Time to let that go.  Time to release  the pain and indifference that I felt that day.  It’s time to heal my physical body and my emotional body.  I have another image I hold dear.  One that has a body free of pain and old memories.  That one I will keep.

Lessons Learned

So what did I learn from this?  Not every accident can be avoided.  There are lessons in each.  These girls had theirs.  Mine?  My life is changing.  Three years ago I was in a car, unsure where I was going.  My conscious thought when I was hit was should I go to the gas station first or my meeting.  My subconscious thought was I was turning 50 in a week and where was my life going.

This car crash gave me closure to what began with mine three years before.  I know where my life is going.  My business is on track.  Yesterday’s car crash brought closure to the past three years.  Much like coding brackets my techie husband talks about on our website.  “We always need both.”

<the accident>  Life Changes When Turning 50 </the accident>

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