This column is in honor of Erma Bombeck.  Erma was the first person to explain to me the subtle differences between men and women.  Growing up in the 60s and 70s, my concept of men was based on television dads like the kindly Hugh Beaumont (the Beaver’s dad), then like the unflappable Fred MacMurray in My Three Sons and finally like the opinionated Archie Bunker in All in the Family.  Those were my motley role models.

Add to it that my generation was being told “Men were from Mars, the Warrior Planet; and women, Venus, the world of love and romance.   No wonder, I was confused.

And then I discovered Erma Bombeck in the morning newspaper.  She was equally confused about the changing gender roles.  Sometimes, she was mystified about the how June Cleaver (the Beaver’s mom) found time to cleaned her house in white gloves and pearls -  while Erma hid things, so not to have to dust and sweep.  She wasn’t a gloves and pearls kind of lady nor a bra burning woman – uncomfortable in both worlds, striving to create her own – one that she fit in, one that made sense.

She used her column to work out some of the inconsistencies in life, especially the communication conflicts between men and women.  She tried to explain the subtle differences between the sexes, while making it ok for men to be warriors and women, lovers.  Even if I didn’t always understand the differences, she made me laugh.  Erma gave me hope that when I was her age (and as a teen, that seemed impossible) I would understand that there are differences between the sexes and I would laugh about them too.

One of my favorite columns talked about how couples get ready for bed.  In honor of Erma, I’ve up-dated the couples nightly ritual.

My husband rubbed his chin, looked at the cat sleeping peacefully under on his lap, under his lap top and said, “I think it’s time to go to bed.” to whomever was listening.

Agreeing, I started closing down programs on my computer, sending off last minute emails, checking the family’s schedule for tomorrow – our collegiate’s, our high schooler’s, our married daughter (quick check of her blog will tell me where she’ll be tomorrow), my husband (remember to remind about a hair cut) and mine (3 meetings – will need to get up early to prep).

Then it’s a quick trip to the laundry room to either put a load into the dryer or hang up a load to dry.  Before going upstairs, I pick up dirty dishes, clean clothes/towels and anything else that needs to go up.  After climbing the stairs, I put the dishes in the sink, clothes in the upstairs basket and towels in the linen closet.  Then, back to the kitchen to turn on the tea kettle, feed the puppies a quick snack and put them out.  While waiting on them, I remind our teen that it is time to turn off her computer and go to sleep.  I turn off extra lights, the dogs’ music and let the pets in, locking the door and, making sure they have fresh water.  The tea kettle boils just as I tuck the puppy into her kennel.  I make a quick hot drink for my husband and me and carry it downstairs.

After handing the cup to my husband, I feed and water the cats.  On finishing our drinks, I collect the mugs and put them out of the kitties reach.   I, then, turn the bed covers down and start getting ready for bed.

My husband slowly lifts the cat off his lap, puts his laptop aside, rubbing his chin again, he say, “I guess it’s time to go to bed” and I agree.

Today is day 2 of the New Year, 01-10.  The numerology for the month is a 2.  For me, the number 2 is important.  The number two means that what I started last year is already in progress.

If it is already in progress, why then do I need to set new resolutions?  I need to relook at what I started last year, modify my goals, and expand my purpose.  In other words, skip the resolutions, look at what’s been accomplished last year to figure out what I need/want to do this year.

Last year I launched a print publication.  So this year, expand and publicize it – not too hard.  Our daughter started college.  The goal here (this is a no brainer) is to increase the cash revenues into the house.  And, last year, we had many illnesses in our house that didn’t responded to conventional or non-conventional treatment; so we need to rethink how we use our bodies to hold ourselves back or get what we want – either or.  (Notice we aren’t focusing on getting well.  Focusing on getting well keeps us in a place of being sick.  We are assuming that we are already well and going from there.)

The first focus is the publication.  It’s an off-shoot of who I am.  Publishing a print publication during a time when the web is where everyone is going for info, is a brave endeavor.  And, if the pub is part of me, it also means that I have to get myself out both in community and online – bravely.  If I had to rate what I accomplished last year, I’d give myself a C+.  That’s a little better than average and it gives me room to grow.

In truth, a lot of this has to do with me being visible.  It’s challenging having my words being read; s well as accepting rejection, when others disagree with what I say or write.  As our dog trainer, Bob says, “You need to toughen up.  Show some teeth.”  So for this year, show some teeth; and schedule an appointment with the dentist.

The second area is family.  Having a child become an adult before our eyes wasn’t easy.  There is a big gap in our lives.  Yes, the new puppy fills some of the space AND she is a dog, not a human.  Letting go of our daughter means having more time for her sister and for us.  So to fill the empty spaces, I’ve started reaching out more to people and to spend more time with me.  Last year I’d rate my “family” goals a teary B-.  Much of November was spent in survival mode.  So for this year, my goal is to enjoy the time spent with our daughters and not be upset that I have to use a cell phone or Skype to do that.

What I’ve found is that I don’t value my work.  I can be of service, working on behalf of community and I don’t get paid.  Yes, people support my publication, and they listen to what I have to say.  Yet, it brings in little income.  This year, I have to see value for my work.  The challenge is that my husband and I have been able to manifest most of what we want when we want it.  That makes the “seeing value” a challenge.  This alone can provide blog postings for months.

And finally, changing belief systems – whether it’s how we perceive our bodies or our lives.  We, well at least me, started working on the body issues last year.  The car wreck – it wasn’t an accident the driver wasn’t paying attention and hit me – literally took its toll on me.  It’s my responsibility to heal the body I was given.  While I can’t heal my family, I can provide information and demonstrate healing.  For this year, I’ll “release the struggle” of physical (healing) therapy.  As for my family, it’s their choice.

For me, there are no new resolutions.  Like the “2 year,” I am what goals I started last year, when I turned 50.  For me, this is the 2nd year of my 5th decade.  It is the year of Wonder and Awe.  Wondering about what is to come; and Awe about the changes that comes with adding something new.

My affirmation:  I embrace the new and wondrous that fills my world with awe.

By Amy Cook- Porter

For a few days, I’ve been struggling for a topic to write about.  One that wasn’t about family or the new puppy; one that was meaningful.  I put it out to the Universe and it came to me in an email.

The email reads like this:

12 of us in a room

I am supposed to pick 12 women (who have touched my life) and who I think might participate. I think that if this group of women were ever to be in a room together, there is nothing that would be impossible. I hope I chose the right twelve. May my hugs, love, gestures and communications remind you how special you are. Please send this back to me.

Remember to make a wish before you read the quotation. That’s all you have to do. There is nothing attached. Just send this to twelve women and let me know what happens on the fourth day. Sorry you have to forward the message, but try not to break this, please. Did you make a wish yet? If you don’t make a wish, it won’t come true. This is your last chance to make a wish!

‘May today there be peace within. May you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith in yourself and others. May you use the gifts that you have received and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content with yourself just the way you are. Let this knowledge settle into your bones and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of us.’

Now, send this to 12 women (or more) within the next 5 minutes. And remember to send this back. I count as 1… You’ll see why.
 

The lesson of this email is not about sending it to 12 friends in five minutes; nor the blessings you’ll get out of it.  It’s about having 12 friends that you can count on.  I don’t know about you, but the thought of counting my friends made me pause.  Do I have 12 friends that I can name in under 5 minutes?  Women who I can count on in the moment.  Not clients, not close associates – friends who care enough if I wasn’t around.

After I pondered for a moment, I actually listed 13; and as I typed this, 4 more came to mind.  I feel fortunate at the deepest level.  Because to have friends you have to be a friend.

Now my question to you is: do you let your friends in at the deepest level (not the dramatic one)?  These are the friends who will cry if you are not around; not the ones who use you.  If you struggle to find 12, then ask yourself why are you holding back, protecting yourself from the world.  You are a goddess after all.  Let everyone share your light and wisdom.

If it is just fear holding you back, then take the risk of emailing the text to 12 women who have made a difference in your life.  If you let them in at a deeper level, they too will be your friends.

By Amy Cook Porter

Personally, I wouldn’t have chosen that for the name of a presentation.  Yet both the name and date (09-09-09) sparked a lot of interest from the group of women I was lunching with on 09-09-09.

For me the number 9 means completion.  Triple that.  It’s a major completion – a lifetime of work.  Being right before Rosh haShanah, to me it means ending major parts of my life and beginning new.  Kind of matches my Coming of Age Philosophy.

For Judaism, it views the number nine differently.  It’s all about pregnancy.  According to the Passover song, Echad Mi Yodaya — Who Knows One?

One is G-d, two are the tablets, three the patriarchs, four the matriarchs, five the books of the Torah, six the parts of the Mishnah, seven the days of the week, eight are the days of the bris (circumcision);  nine the months of pregnancy and ten the commandments.

Wait a minute, nine are the month of pregnancy?  And Wednesday, nine days before Erev (eve) Rosh haShanah, is the ninth day of the ninth month of the ninth year was devoted to a day about Jewish women.  Why not talk about Pregnant with Possibilities.

At fifty, pregnant doesn’t mean morning sickness and stretch marks.  It means pregnant with new ideas and projects; and hopefully birthing them up to nine months later.  These babies are all about the changes we bring into our lives – whether educationally, spiritually or healing.

So why are we contemplating new ideas?  Well being Jewish women we celebrate our new year, the birthday of the world two weeks before the harvest is due.  For us, this year 5770.  Numerologically, that adds up to first 19 and then 1 – new beginnings.

For me, the year 5770 is all about new beginnings, some of these changes could take up to nine months to create. Here are the steps for creating this kind of new beginnings

1. Daily meditation
2. Go within and choose what worked this year.  What made you happy?  Where was the struggle?
3. Pick a spiritual area that you want to expand on.  This kind of change is not about outward appearance or relationships.  It’s about your spiritual relationship with a higher spiritual being.
4. Journal about what this spiritual relationship looks like
5. Write affirmations connecting you to source.
6. EFT works well to lock in these affirmations.
My focus for the next week is all about being, “Pregnant with Possibilities” and what I am about to become.  What will your focus be?

* Thanks to Ellen Hutt for the wonderful presentation on 09-09-09